


Follow Me Down

by Beltenebra



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, NewS (Band)
Genre: Domestic Violence, Japanese Mythology & Folklore, Kitsune, M/M, Mental Instability, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 05:43:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7155947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beltenebra/pseuds/Beltenebra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The course of true love never did run smooth. Koyama keeps a secret and struggles to keep it from consuming him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Follow Me Down

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for JE Squickfic 2010. The story was inspired and helped along by this song so it's helpful for capturing the mood. ^_^ [Follow Me Down](http://www.mediafire.com/file/25l1mvb3n0tl11y/01%20Follow%20Me%20Down.mp3) by Seanan McGuire. I loved getting a chance to look at the possible dangers of human/yokai interaction that are a little less obvious, a little more insidious than just yokai leads clueless human astray. I took some personal liberties with the kitsune mythology but I like to think it is in keeping with the general spirit.

_Come to me softly oh come to me sweetly oh come to me now as the year turns around. I’ll give in to you as I once did, completely,  
If you’ll follow me, follow me, follow me down, come and follow me, follow me down._

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

"Don't come any closer. You're going to leave, take your things and go. I can't- you just can't be here any more. I won't let you ruin my life." 

He kept his voice soft and even, pitched for soothing a frightened child. "Tomo, it will be ok. Just calm down." 

"Shut the hell up! And stay over there!" 

He stopped his slow movement forward and raised his hands placating. "Ok, ok, Tomo. We can work this out. We always have, right? Things will get better." 

Pi shook his head violently, like he could deny Koyama's very existence if he tried hard enough. "Don't say my name like that! I don’t want to hear any more of your lies." His lover's eyes were wild, unfocused, panicked. I won't let you hurt me any more." 

There was the anger, rising in his blood, cold and inscrutable. He heard the snap of ice in his voice as he lashed out, " _Me_ hurt _you_?! You have no idea what pain is, Yamashita Tomohisa." 

The other man cringed away from him, curling in on himself as Koyama stood taller, straighter, made a small broken noise - not quite a sob. Pi lifted a shuddering hand, it was holding a pistol. 

Koyama just stared back at him, his shock and betrayal written in his eyes. 

"Don't fucking _look_ at me like that. You made me do this. It's your fault things are like this. If you weren't some kind of freak- I don’t even know if bullets will hurt you." 

Pi's eyes were almost black with anger and fear, Koyama could see the last traces of the man he loved were all but gone. His lover's voice was barely a whisper as his finger slipped down to the trigger, "But this is the only way I know to get rid of monsters." 

Koyama closed his eyes against Tomo's fear and his own sorrow. 

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

_When we were children we swore we’d be married,_  
We ran and we played at the dawn of the year,  
But autumn came quickly -- the spring never tarried --  
The winter arrived and you buried me here,  
Do you know me now, know me oh, know me my dear?  
Come and follow me follow me down. 

Koyama knew it was time to leave the city. He had been here for quite awhile, having fled the familiar shadows of his woodland home a handful of years ago, seeking the diversion of human activity. He was young yet, only a century old, just about the time for his curiosity to get the better of him and send him looking for adventure. He threw himself into the world of men with a vengeance, heading straight for the heart of Tokyo.

It had been fun, learning the ways of humans first-hand. Those who still adhered to the ways of their ancestors as well as the ones who flung themselves into modernity, forsaking the old ways without so much as a backwards glance. Some people really had no idea that the creatures of legend, nature spirits and demons and ghosts, were only too real and closer than they could ever imagine. 

But as the seasons turned again, he could feel the onset of Spring tingle down his limbs, he felt the pull of the dark green quickening his blood. He had started to feel awkward, his feet heavier with each passing season as he wound his way through the city, in the shadow of the buildings. 

He wasn't completely cut off from the magic that was his birthright. He would never have survived the city without his natural abilities, but he was growing slowly but steadily weaker the longer he stayed here among men, away from the spirit world. He had made some friends, taken more than few lovers but no lasting connections. There was nothing particular keeping him here. It was time to go home. 

Koyama was concentrating, sending out a tiny wave of power that rippled unseen through the air to the edges of the temple grove. He had stopped at the shrine in Ueno, paying one last visit to his ancestors' most holy place in the city. His power sparkled in the afternoon sun, creating a little pocket of magic, just enough to give humans the subtle suggestion that they should just walk by the entrance to this particular grotto. A little hint of 'just keep walking'. It didn't take much to secure his privacy. 

This was one of his favorite places in the city, this grove ringed with sakura. The splashing sounds of the brook tripping down over the smooth stones soothed him. It was one of the few places in the city he could let his guard down. He was sprawled in the grass, trailing one paw in the water and enjoying the rare chance to drop his glamour. Four russet, white-tipped fox tails swished random patterns in the air, his reflection in the water showed graceful ears curving up from the auburn waves of his hair. He grinned impishly at himself and scattered his image with a playful splash. 

His ears twitched at the sudden sound of a branch cracking under a foot, the noise loud as a gunshot in the unnatural quiet of the clearing. Koyama sat up like a shot, managing to cast his magic over himself with just enough time to keep from being discovered. The power fluttered down over his shoulders like a cloak, hiding his true appearance as the human bumbled into his space. 

He had no idea how the man had managed to get here, completely unaffected by the small magic of his perimeter. Could he be so disconnected from nature that he really just hadn't felt the compulsion? The young man raised his head and met Koyama's gaze, his dark eyes wide with surprise. 

"Oh, sorry! I didn't realize anyone else was here." He ducked his head in a small bow, a light flush painting his cheeks. "I hope I didn't disturb you too much." 

The man was tallish, maybe Koyama's height. He had a nice, solid build and dark, shaggy hair. When he raised dark eyes to Koyama's curious ones once more, his full lips curved up in a warm smile. "My name is Yamashita. It's nice to meet you." 

Koyama's breath caught in his throat. He was suddenly intensely aware of everything around them; the musical burble of the water, the way the sunlight slanted through the trees, dappling the grass in an intricate quilt of light and shadow, the way the slight breeze sent a cloud of cherry petals swirling, a few perching in the man's dark hair. He was helpless not to smile back even though his heart was constricting painfully in his chest. 

His family had warned him that his kind was more likely than any other youkai to become hopelessly entangled with a human. He had scoffed in the privacy of his own head, sure he was too clever to let himself be snared by any human hunter. And he had so very nearly been right. But he heard himself reply, giving the man his real name and he couldn't look away, couldn't think, couldn't breathe properly. Koyama knew he was in love. 

Moments or hours later when Yamashita asked him out for coffee the following week, Koyama couldn’t agree quickly enough. There was not even a thought of leaving now, he had to stay. Koyama had changed his mind.

_Ours is the union of cycles and seasons,_  
From planting to harvest, from flower to frost;  
We made all our choices, we knew all our reasons,  
Each time that you kissed me, I knew I was lost,  
All our debts have been paid, and we’ve counted the cost,  
Do you know me now, know me oh, know me my dear?  
Come and follow me follow me down. 

He and Yamashita didn't have a lot in common but it didn't stop them from talking for hours. Yamashita Tomohisa or Yamapi, (a nickname, he told Koyama a silly story from his junior high days and assured him that all of his friends call him Pi), was an up and coming portfolio manager at a prestigious private banking firm. He worked late but Koyama didn't exactly need to hold down a job so he told Pi that he's a student and they stayed up until nearly sunrise every night for the first few weeks just talking, getting to know each other.

Koyama had been passing himself off as a graduate student studying Japanese folklore. He figured it's not too far from the truth. He knew all of the material, Pi didn't have to know that it was from personal experience. 

The first time he mentioned it, Pi scrunched up his nose in distaste. "What, really? You find that stuff interesting? It's outdated at best and outright lies at worst." 

He mumbled something to the effect of it being an important part of the country's identity and Pi just scoffed, "You must be a trust fund kid who doesn't have to worry about making a real living. You could study something more practical, you know. I know you're more than intelligent enough. And totally charming, you would make a great salesman!" 

While he would rather die than go to work at a mundane job in a suit every day, Koyama couldn't help but be flattered by Yamapi's high opinion of him. He tamped down the uneasiness that had bubbled up in his gut when Pi denounced folklore in favor of the warm, rosy-colored glow of new love. 

A few months in, it was clear they were both completely smitten with each other. They had to stay in nearly all of the time they spent together because they couldn't keep their hands off each other. They spent entire weekends in bed, whole days flying by in a haze of amazing sex and take-out meals. 

One Sunday evening, Yamapi asked him to move in. "I'll have to tell people we're just regular roommates," he told Koyama, the chagrin clear in his tone. "The company I work for is really traditional and if anyone found out about us I'm sure I would be fired." 

Before Koyama could protest, as much as he loved him, he didn't want Pi risking his job over them sharing a room, Pi pulled him close, arms capturing him in a fierce embrace. "I would do anything to keep you, to hold on to this feeling." 

He kissed Koyama passionately and Koyama responded, letting himself be swept away by the rising tide of emotion. He couldn't exactly complain about being Pi's big secret when he was harboring one of his own. And Pi was right. It was worth the sacrifice to feel this way.

_There’s blood on the snow and there’s fire in the cornfields;_  
And we know the patterns, we’ll follow the rules,  
We’ve been burned and been frozen, and always, the wound’s healed,  
To bring us back here as fate plays us for fools,  
All the monarchs of seasons are nothing but tools,  
As the stories, our stories, these stories recall, come and follow me follow me down. 

The year turned and turned and Spring was beginning to wind down into the slower days of Summer. They celebrated their anniversary, stayed in and threw themselves a private party. Just him and Tomo and bottle after bottle of sake. They got more than a little silly and fantastically drunk, lounging all over each other on the plush carpet of their living room.

At some point they had decided it would be a grand idea to turn off the lights and throw the balcony doors open to let the moonlight in. They would have themselves a moon viewing party, although Tomo seemed more interested in kissing his way down Koyama's neck than looking at the moon, lovely though she was, full and silver. 

Koyama could feel the power in the pale light even though the moon was so far; even though he was buffered on all sides by human habitations and human noise. He could still hear the faintest strains of music in the night, still feel the thrum of the silver energy in his veins. 

He giggled drunkenly and lolled his head back to offer Pi better access to his collar bones, enjoying the combined warmth of his lover's hands and the glow of sake in the pit of his stomach and the flit of moonlight brightness across his face. He flicked his ears forward to catch the tantalizing hint of song as the rabbit in the moon hummed softly to the stars, far out beyond the electric lights and traffic and pollution. 

Pi's mouth latched on to a particularly sensitive spot at the juncture of his neck and shoulder and he let his head fall back, moaning unashamedly and curling his tails around one flank in a deliberately coy flirtation. Pi ran a sure hand back over his hip and down to cup his ass, hauling Koyama forward into his lap like he had countless times before, the gesture both intimate and familiar. But this time he got a handful of fur along with smooth skin. 

"What the _fuck_?!" Pi pulled away like he had been burned and Koyama yipped in surprise, scrambling back and frantically trying to summon his glamour. 

He didn't make it in time, Pi leapt to the light switch and flooded the room with harsh, yellow light. He kept his head down, trembling with nerves; he couldn't bring himself to look at Yamapi's face right away. He tried to curl himself into the smallest possible space, tucking his tails in around him, flattening his silky ears. 

Yamapi sounded much more sober now, his voice low and angry, "What the hell is this, Koyama? What is going on?" 

Koyama looked up at his beloved and the chill in those eyes made him shiver. "I'm so sorry, Tomo. I should have told you." 

"What _are_ you?" 

He fell over himself to offer an explanation, his voice tumbling over his own words in his haste. "I'm a kitsune, a fox spirit. We're not always dangerous, not if we don't want to be. We interact well with humans and our kind intermarry more than any other demons. I should have told you but I love you and I was scared." 

The other man sat down on the couch as far from Koyama as he could. His only reaction for the first few minutes was to stare at Koyama, his brow furrowed like he was trying to convince himself he was hallucinating, like he could change what he saw if he tried hard enough. Finally he spoke again, though his voice was carefully blank. 

"Tell me everything." 

Koyama did. He told Pi about his home in the forest, his sisters and aunts and cousins, his interactions with the rest of the spirit world. He told him how he could walk through walls into places that humans couldn't see, he could cast spells, create fox fire, talk to plants and listen to the moon. He told him that he could feel the seasons and grant some wishes if the asker was clever enough. He painted Pi a picture of an entire world that most humans never knew existed. 

And when he was done Yamapi still looked at him silently, judging. 

"Please just say something, Tomo. Anything." He was usually much too proud to beg but he was young and in love. 

"If you want to stay- if you want to be with me, you have to be human." 

Koyama's eyes widened in shock. He hadn't expected Yamapi to be happy with him, he thought he would be confused, maybe angry with Koyama for keeping secrets. He half thought that Pi might ask him to change his form and go as a woman. It would certainly make Pi's life easier, he wouldn't have to sneak around, afraid to bump into people he knew when they were together. But maybe Pi wasn't thinking clearly, or maybe he didn't know Koyama was capable of that. 

"You've been passing yourself off as human all this time, right? Just try harder. No spirits, no trips to any magical woods, no communing with weather. Just be normal. Could you do that?" 

Yamapi's eyes were serious, earnest, and Koyama wanted more than anything to make things ok again. 

"I suppose I could. I mean… technically, yes. I could live as a human." 

"Then do it. Promise me. Stay with me, Kei. I'm only asking this one thing." 

Koyama was sure this was too much, that he was about to stray much too far off the path, deep into the jungle that was the human city. 

Pi's voice was soft now, low and pleading like his heart was breaking. "I've sacrificed so much to be with you. Please, just this one thing." 

"Ok." He looked up into that beloved face, now quietly pleased. And though he felt shaken to his bones, he wanted to make Pi happy. "I promise." 

He locked his true form up tight and Yamapi's arms were warm around him, so warm, but Koyama couldn't stop shivering in the Spring chill.

_Come to me softly oh come to me sweetly oh come to me now as the year comes around._  
I’ll give in to you as I once did completely,  
If you’ll follow me, follow me, down to the ground,  
Come and follow me, follow me, follow me down, come and follow me, follow me… 

Koyama stood on the balcony watching a few scattered snowflakes drift on the icy breeze only to fall on the unforgiving sidewalks, disappearing instantly in the face of the heat generated by the underground trains. He shuddered, not with cold, but from the thought of being trapped down below under metal and concrete and stale air.

He never took the trains, they stifled him, dulled his senses. He chuckled humorlessly, the sound overly loud and brittle in the evening hush. He had kept the promise he had made to Pi, he had completely cut himself off from any contact with the spirit world, living as close to fully human as he possibly could. He still didn't take the trains but he might as well; his feeling of suffocation was constant. 

The only times things felt ok, the only times he could breathe properly were when he was with Pi. Only Pi could help him block out the insidious voices in his head that told him he wasn't meant to live like this, that he couldn't survive with the vital part of him walled off. 

He tried to nurture the warm glow of his love, tried to coax the flames into the rest of his life, grown dark and cold, but it was increasingly difficult. Pi was being promoted at the firm and more responsibility meant more of his free time devoted to the company. Koyama realized that it was unfortunate but work made Yamapi happy and for a while they coped and things were ok. 

Then the nightmares started. Koyama would find himself tormented by visions of Yamapi leaving him, casting him aside to settle down in a respectable marriage with a dutiful corporate daughter, leaving him desolate. Pi's reassurances could only do so much to assuage his fear. The pain that made his chest throb, that stole his breath when he woke in the night, gasping, was so real. Pi started to grumble, (didn't Koyama trust him?), and Koyama could only apologize but he couldn't stop them. 

Pi started to spend more time out of the apartment, seemingly for work but Koyama could see the edge of absence in his smiles. Every flimsy excuse, every late night fed into his paranoia. Some distant part of himself looked on in horror as he shrewishly interrogated Yamapi about another night spent out. Pi became increasingly defensive and he closed himself off.

He started to dream of drowning, of being buried, he had vivid images of himself dying in inches, the vitality slowly squeezed out of him by a great, grey hand or being incrementally frozen, the glacial chill wending its way through his veins until he couldn't speak or move or feel. He woke from those dreams screaming. 

The grey started to bleed into his waking hours as well. He drifted through the apartment like a ghost. Waiting. The only thing that made him feel alive any more was Yamapi and if it was a bad day for them, if Pi was short-tempered, he would pick a fight just to feel the flicker of anger, to see the emotion spark in Pi's eyes. After all, you wouldn't bother arguing with someone you didn't care about, right? 

He found himself wildly careening from emotionally blank to insensible rage with little warning. One particularly bad night Yamapi came home late, more than a little drunk and Koyama was waiting, fire in his eyes. 

"Work again? Do you think I'm going to believe that one forever? You should spend some of your time concocting at least one more excuse." 

It was clear the last thing Yamapi wanted to do was argue with him, he looked tired, tight around the eyes, mouth set in a sullen frown. "Kei, lay off. You know I have to entertain senior partners and clients. If I don't go out after work they'll get suspicious." 

"You don't ever think to invite me out with you? If it's not all business it shouldn't be a problem, right?" 

Pi rolled his eyes, his tone dismissive, "I don't want you to be bored and besides these days you never want to leave the house. I figured it's just better if you stay here." 

"Stay here and wait for you, you mean." Koyama kept his voice flat, choosing not to hint at the roiling anger in his gut. 

Yamapi shrugged, avoiding his eyes, rifling through his planner ostensibly looking for something. "Well, kind of, yeah." 

"Do you think I'm some kind of obedient dog who will just sit and stay when you command it? Do you?!" It felt good to raise his voice, to yell. Pi's attention was all his. 

"That's not what I meant." 

The blood roared in Koyama's ears, drowning out the empty denial, just another lie. His fist caught Yamapi right on the mouth, a vicious right-hook. The animal in Koyama yipped gleefully at the sight of red as Yamapi's hand came away from his mouth bloody.

Yamapi tried to respond but Koyama beat him to it, catching him with a fierce left-handed jab to the ribs that had Pi doubled over. Koyama watched him with bright eyes to see what he would do; to Koyama's delight, he fought back. 

A few easily avoided feints made it clear that Pi wasn't at all used to fighting, either the theory or the practice. Koyama's preternatural reflexes gave him a crippling advantage. A few more well-placed blows and he had Pi right where he wanted him, a bruised and bloody mess on the floor, completely helpless. 

"Kei, stop. _Please_." 

The soft moan cut through the rage like a blade. The crimson haze clouding his vision cleared instantly and Koyama saw with terrible clarity that this wasn't prey, this was his lover and he had hurt him horribly. 

He crumpled under the weight of his realization, falling to his knees beside Pi; hands curled helplessly into the fabric of his pants, afraid to move. "Tomo, I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. I'm so sorry." 

Yamapi didn't answer. Through the blur of his tears Koyama watched him for any sign of reaction. Pi blinked up at him, asked softly, "Seriously, Kei… what the hell was that?" 

"I'm so sorry. Please don't leave me, Tomo. You're the only thing I have here, I need you to stay with me. I'm sorry, please believe me." He knew he was hysterical, babbling, nearly incoherent, but the only thing that could stop the flow of words was Pi sitting up and pulling him close, groaning softly in discomfort. 

"I'll probably live. I'm not going to leave you, Kei. Let's just forget about the whole thing, yeah?" 

But Koyama couldn't forget. Couldn't keep himself from thinking about the feeling of Pi's flesh under his fists. For weeks he urged Yamapi to throw himself into work, to stay away, terrified of losing his mind again. And he could sense that no matter what he said, Yamapi hadn't stopped thinking about it either. Koyama wondered if they would ever be able to be around each other without that edge of tension again. 

It was bound to happen eventually; Yamapi snuck in around three in the morning. He probably thought he was being careful but Koyama could smell the woman on him as clear as if he had been wearing her perfume. They had another fight. Another beating, a black eye. It ended with both of them raw and crying; Pi apologized for cheating, he apologized for being crazy. They swore it wouldn't happen again. 

But it did. Again and again. Koyama thought that trying to fix what was wrong was like trying to piece a priceless vase back together with shaking hands and no diagram. In the dark. He was so far from what he knew himself to be, he really was turning into the monster Pi accused him of being. He was losing his mind, the city was pulling him apart by tiny bits, scattering his ashes but he wasn't dead yet. He was still alive, wasn't he? 

He stood shivering in the Winter air, the snowflakes had long since given up. The clouds had cleared a bit and through the gleam of neon he could still make out the moon. If he closed his eyes he could still remember what she looked like swimming through the dark branches and green, green leaves of the forest. 

Tonight was one of those nights, when he had spent hours huddled under his blankets chasing the frayed threads of himself. Tonight he needed to hear his thoughts out beyond the boundaries of his own head. He asked the moon what he should do and for the first time in his life, she didn’t answer.

_Come to me swiftly oh come to me burning,_  
I’ll be the May Queen, you’ll bring on the frost.  
Come to me weeping and come to me yearning,  
We’ve paid for these hours, and we’ve always been lost,  
Come and follow me, follow me, follow me, follow me, follow me follow me down. 

Yamapi hesitated, that was his mistake. Koyama opened his eyes and Pi froze with his finger on the trigger. He was the one holding the gun, holding Koyama's death in his hands but Koyama could smell the fear rolling off him, a sharp, acrid, human stink.

His instincts flared and he lunged with a snarl, knocking the gun aside to clatter in the corner like a child's toy. Yamapi had a breath to gasp before Koyama lashed out with a backhanded blow that sent him flying. His head was knocked hard against the floor and he was out cold. 

Koyama cocked his head, considering. He could hear the beat of Yamapi's heart, only slightly sluggish. He knelt down and brushed the hair back away from Pi's beautiful face and probed the back of his head. He wasn't bleeding; he would be fine. 

He knelt for some time, thinking, considering. He thought about everything he had left behind to stay here, about the pain of merely existing here, cut off from his birthright. He absently pet down Pi's arm noticing the constellations of bruises, the marks his frustration left on Pi's fragile mortal skin. They pale in comparison to the dangers of the forest, the traps and pitfalls and monsters that lurk in the wilds of the spirit world. And Pi called _him_ a monster. He had no idea. 

The time had come for him to go, it was long overdue. But he didn't have to go alone. Koyama's lips curved up into a feral grin. He had loved Pi; he still did. Kitsune were loyal to a fault- he couldn't just disappear and leave his lover behind. Yamapi had chained him here for nearly eight turnings of the seasons, surely he could manage to survive in Koyama's world for at least that long. 

He stood, swept the window open, took a calming breath. The air was sharp and clean, the faint hint of the impending, blossom-decked onslaught of Spring on the breeze was tantalizing. He called on his power and couldn't contain his whimper of delight when it came back to him, frolicking around him like a puppy. 

Gold fox eyes were so much more adept at seeing the paths and doorways that would take them home. He stepped onto the balcony and peered into the darkness, searching for the tell-tale glimmer of a way out. 

Gingerly, he gathered Pi up in his arms, not wanting to wake him. He didn't stir as Koyama touched a paw lightly to his forehead using a small magic to send him into a deeper, more sound sleep. Koyama shouldered his burden and climbed nimbly up to balance on the railing. 

The city churned on, a cold, faceless machine with a million parts- all completely unaware of his presence. He didn't feel the need to bid it goodbye, he had Pi and that was the only part of the place that mattered. Now he only needed to find the path- ah! Just there in the space between two perfectly mundane buildings, he caught the spicy, inscrutable scent of the forest. 

His joy bubbled up into a smile, he winked at the moon. He bunched his muscles to jump, correcting slightly to accommodate the additional weight. But it didn't feel like weight at all, he felt impossibly light, euphoric, his body thrilling to sensations long denied. 

The shadows knew his name. He leapt down into their dark embrace and was gone.

  
_Come and follow me, follow me down._


End file.
